The above quote is from an amazing teaching from the Prophet, Jennifer Eivaz: "The Heart of an Intercessor".
In it she talks about there being a next level for us where things are going to be restored and recovered, but not until we allow the Lord to do a healing in us. This spoke to me, for I know that I've not allowed Him to complete this kind of surgical healing in my life for all these 7-10 years. I've resorted to alcohol, medicating on TV, rage, anger, unforgiveness, resentment, isolation, bitterness, and controlling others.
There is a grace - and I stand it, and believe my Father is working on my behalf in response to it - yet, I still need to be healed from the inside out.
Father God - move the Holy Spirit to work a work of complete healing inside me - inside my heart. It has gotten so hard. I've found it difficult to empathize with others and their difficulties - even their pain, such as my mother and my father - their aches and pains - their complaints. Jonathan and situations he encounters socially. People dealing with financial issues like my sister-in-law, or emotional trauma, like Lolita, or Brandon when he was still living, Anthony and Alex, and many others. I find myself irritated by them rather than having a heart of love and care toward them. I receive the forgiveness that awaits me for all these trespasses, in the mighty name of Jesus. I thank you Father, for it. Heal my heart. Grant me a new heart of softness - one that displays the fruit of the Holy Spirit: Kindness, Gentleness, Love, Godliness, Self-Control. Keep me from bitterness and foulness of thought, action and words. May the meditation of my heart and the words from my mouth be pleasing in your sight, oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Enable me to pray for others rather than complain about them - to hold bitterness toward them. When I see myself rolling my eyes in response to a person's name, I know for sure that there is unforgiveness there. I still hold anger and resentment toward Kay. There is anger toward my dad because I don't believe he's done all he can to really get stronger so he's not bound to a wheelchair. There's anger toward my mother's bloodline and the fact that out of all her siblings, she's the one that had to be struck with memory issues. There's anger that I'm stuck caring for my parents - why couldn't they be self-sufficient like Ike and Jean or Joan and Sam.
Heal my heart, Lord, of this bitterness and anger towards these individuals. I pray blessings over their lives - that you pour out your love upon them. That they be strengthened by You, that You prosper them in every way. I've felt that Kay doesn't deserve more than what he has - that he really doesn't deserve what he has. That he's not a real man or a real husband or a real father. I've compared him to others on a regular basis and made sure that he always falls short. I resent that he's Jonathan's dad and the fact that he doesn't spend time with him and then I also rejoice in the fact that Jonathan doesn't really have a relationship with him, because of my dislike of his character and my perceptions of him as a person. I come now in the mighty name of Jesus and utterly destroy each and everyone of these foul thoughts toward Kay. I command now, in the name of Jesus, untold blessings of health, prosperity and wholeness in Kay's life. I declare and decree in the mighty name of Jesus that Kay is walking in a renewed, empowered relationship with Jesus Christ and that the outflow of this relationship will be restoration and strengthening of all of his family and work relationships and that he is stepping into a love affair with you like he has never before experienced in his life. Father, this is my prayer for my dad, as well...for my mother...for Lolita...for Tawana...for April...for Frank...for Anthony Chiles...for my nephew, Anthony...for Alex...for Maria...for Yoan...for Michael...for Abril...for all those dear to me, in the mighty name of Jesus.
I asked you earlier today to pour out a blessing in my and Jonathan's lives, so much so that we would not be able to contain it. This is my prayer for each person mentioned above. As you heal them and bless them, continue to do your surgical, precise healing in me. I need it. I can't continue living without it.
In the name of Jesus, I pray, AMEN.
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