The sermon from Pastor Scott yesterday was so powerful. It was a life-shift kind of sermon. I felt as if I came face to face with my destiny and if I did not make a decision to move forward as he was directing us, by the Spirit of God, I would never find my way completely out of the despair and stagnation that has been my life these past few years.
His text focus was the story of Joseph, but particularly the manner in which Joseph dealt with all of the delays and unfair treatment that he experienced over a course of 13 years between the Father giving him the dream of his future and achievement or manifestation of that dream.
He was hated by his brothers, almost left for dead by those same brothers, but then, due to a change of heart, sold by those brothers into slavery.
He was then unjustly accused by his slave owner's wife of molestation and thrown into jail.
While in jail, he helped two prisoners, enabling one to be set free, only to be forgotten once that prisoner returned to civilian life.
Ultimately, the Lord brought about the realization of that dream - prospered Joseph mightily and allowed reconciliation with the brothers who had so cruelly abandoned & hated him years before.
Through it all, Joseph remained committed to his Father and committed to living a life of diligence, calm, and poise.
And he never complained.
Not once. And the word says that throughout all of the trials, Joseph found favor with God and was a successful man.
Even as a slave, he was the top slave.
In jail he was the top prisoner.
And finally as a free man, he was second in command to Pharaoh. Just amazing!
Our Pastor noted that what is central to all of this is that Joseph displayed a spirit of giving over all to the Father. He never solicited for any more than what was right before him. He clearly lived a life led by the Father and dependent on God alone. Nary a pleading, begging prayer for anything that HE WANTED came from his lips. He was fully surrendered and as a result he was a blessed man - one able to love others, serve others, and forgive others, without hesitation.
I've spent most of my life begging, pleading, grumbling, complaining. There's been very little, if any surrendering.
I know of one distinct time when I did surrender: El Paso Texas, December 1996. I came truly to the very end of myself. In utter despair, emotionally spent, lonely, depressed, sad and hopeless. I had no one but the Father.
He had me exactly where He needed me to be.
I left El Paso utterly broken, but within a month, the Lord had given me what I'd be striving for all those previous months: Not one, but three job offers.
Thus, I know first hand that the surrendered life is the life He desires for all His children. Yet, why is it so hard?
Well, after yesterday's sermon, already feeling almost as despairing as I did in 1996 - the excitement of my impossible dream of buying that dream house on 43 S Middlebush starting to wain - I found myself at the alter - pouring out my heart, tears soaking my face, and I gave all of it to Him.
A job
Being a parent to Jonathan
Being a caregiver to my parents
Staying in this house
Moving from this house
Buying a new home
43 S Middlebush
Renovating a home
Jonathan's schooling
Getting married
God fulfilling his word to me
My tongue
My behavior
My thoughts
Everything
It's all back in the Father's hands, where it should be.
Later at church, two elders prayed over me about work. I no longer see this CSS job as a good fit. It's not for me. I don't want it. I sensed Labyrinth Books and the claustrophobic nature of that job all over CSS, and I want no part of it - no matter how nice the team might be. The elders prayed for the Father to place me in the job best for me - at a salary that is appropriate - and that His favor remain on me to be selected - even found by my future employer. That is what I am standing on now. I'm no longer looking. I plan to respond to inquiries only.
And by the goodness of God, I indeed did get an inquiry today from a contracting firm for a 12-month contract assignment! The description sounds like a great fit and it's in Bedminster - a location that I like - and it seems possible that this could be a work from home job. I'm not gonna shake my head at contract jobs anymore. My Father can convert the job to permanent - if not that one, than another. There will no longer be gaps in my employment. I decree and declare that right now! In fact, this job will not require an extensive interview. It pays well, it allows for work at home, and it is mine!
Indeed, this is a new season of believing and thanksgiving! The pleading and begging are over. I plan to walk in the rights and privileges of being a daughter of the most High God, my El Shadai - God Almighty - my Jehovah Nissi - Whose banner is over me - my Jehovah Shalom, Whose peace comforts and keeps me. He is doing great things in my life and in Jonathan's life and all those who are near and dear to me. I can see it. I am so thankful for it.
You indeed are the GREAT I AM! All praises to You in the Highest! Thank you for Your Son Jesus, through whom I can come BOLDLY to the THRONE of GRACE to receive MERCY & GRACE in my time of need!
Hallelujah - AMEN!!
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