A short burst

I want to do a free write. Not think about what I'm writing. Just get it out.  Today is a not so spectacular day, save that it is warmer than usual.  Arrived at school this morning, with great hope that Jonathan could play outside with all the other little kids running around. He was expectant too. Expectancies dashed as we entered his class to see that the kids running outside were not his classmates, but instead the preschool class, one grade above his.  All his classmates were sitting around the table doing a craft.

Sigh.

He cried.  Very upset. I totally understand.

Jonathan's primary issue - outside of just being a terrible three - is that he needs to expend energy. He's got cabin fever. His body needs to run, jump, climb!  He needs fresh air. And not just for 15 or 20 minutes per day.  I'd say at least one hour in the morning, one hour in the afternoon, and one or more hours after school. I'm sick and tired of the cold.  I want the spring and the warmth. The sunshine, the green. He wants it too. He needs it too. I want it not just in the spring and summer. I want it all year round. I want out of NJ. I want to move to somewhere more affordable and Lord knows, more temperant.  Alas, I can't. I'm stuck. I feel stuck. I'm tired of feeling stuck. I have no job. I need a job. I want a husband. I have no means to a husband.  No guarantee that said husband would be financially secure enough so that I would not have to work. It would be great if that were the case. If my dream of dreams could be answered:  High Ranking, military officer, wife-less, child-less, looking for both a wife and a child and would like a child of his own.  About to be put on assignment overseas, preferably Europe.  Preferably France.  Oh, that would be marvelous.  Loves, Loves, Loves, the Lord and is a man after God's own heart.  Stable, secure, and willing to deal with a very mixed up screwy neurotic lady with a terrible three year-old son, a son he will love with the Love of God as if he is his very own.
My dream.

How bout this year we meet?.  Next year we marry.  Following year our family grows due to a new addition out of my old, 48 year old womb.

How bout it Lord.

How bout my dream of a warm inviting home for our family and to entertain others with a small building on the lot to house my parents and then future missionaries and full-time Christian workers who need a retreat, a place of release and relaxation - at no cost. A home on a beautiful lot, in a cool area where they can stroll on a quaint main street, get a bite to eat, sit on a park bench and just reflect.

How bout it Lord.

How bout Jonathan and his brother growing up together in an increasing knowledge of Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, and both their hearts being pricked to live for Christ, in their given vocactons, marriages, and extra-curricular activities.

How bout it Lord.

How bout Jonathan and his brother growing up around a nice group of kids and each of them being each others best friends, ultimately, but also blessed with one or two wonderful, Christ-centered buddies with whom they can share life with as they grow and mature into responsble, spirit-filled men.

How bout it Lord.

How bout continued health and long life for my parents and reconciliation and an infilling of love and understanding in their hearts for each other so that the latter years are far richer and more fufilling then the former.

How bout Brandon getting totally and completely delivered from alcohol and drug addiciton. His whole family secure and whole as he embraces sobriety.  Everyone in harmony in Christ. His step-grandchildren walking in the way, Tawana fully at peace with him and the Father, Maria seeped in joy and in love with a new man that you send into her life.

How bout it Lord.

How bout all my sisters in Christ living spirit-filled, fulfilling lives of service and love, enjoying their work, their families and blessed in loving, convenant marriages - satisfying the word by You:  It is not good for man to be alone...

How bout Jonathan and Kay having a vital strong relationship as son and father and Kay being incredibly intentional about spending time with Jonathan and getting to know him - that they truly enjoy each other and establish an unshakeable, almost mystical bond to each other.

How bout it Lord.

Work these things out, Lord.  I beseech You, in full knowledge that you are both able AND willing to do so.  I praise You, worship You, depend on You, ADOORE You, bow down to You, exalt You, give my all to You, for You alone are WORTHY TO BE PRAISED & HIGHLY LIFTED UP!

You are able to bring this all to fruition - to Your praise and to Your GLORY!

How bout it Lord?