Waiting on God

It's funny.  I find that the Lord tends to answer my quiet, effortless prayers with a quickness that dumbfounds me.  The heartfelt, digging my nails in the ground prayers -- I tend to wait, and wait, and wait.  I think sometimes the quiet ones are the ones where I'm utterly inline with His will or utterly and completely out of line - so the answer comes fast -- or maybe just sometimes He knows how weary I am and how desperate I am for a word from Him - so He responds. I don't know.  It's just amazing when it happens.

I continue to struggle with this word from Him that was so clear to me but so hard to accept:  That my vocation is marriage and family.  I can't seem to shake the doubt that what I heard was what I heard. Maybe it's just in my head. Maybe I made it up. It just doesn't make sense.  I have a son to care for and elderly parents to look after and support.  Paul says if you don't work, you don't eat.  However, the Lord confirmed to me in a supernatural way that it would be okay to leave IBM - that indeed I should - to cast my net out into the deep and I will bring in a big haul.  So I did, and then crazy 2013 happened. But early 2013, the Lord spoke to my heart this mission for my life beyond IBM and yet, I can not hold fast to it with the faith and trust that I need to.  I continue to struggle with attempts to find a job, worried about if marriage is even for me and if it truly is - whether or not I really want it - that I am doing such a sub-par job right now being a mom and daughter, i can't see how this could at all be a viable vocation for me.  It doesn't make sense.

And then I remember Joan Ball and her words that the Lord never gives us a job to do that we are prepared, trained for - look at Noah, Abraham, Gideon, Moses, the Disciples - most of the people in the Bible who went on to do great things to His glory and honor.  All imperfect, all untrained, all unprepared.

So, I am that person.  Wholly dependent upon my Father to make a way out of no way. To parent Jonathan, to care for and support my parents, to eventually be someone's help meet.  Crazy, but so God.  So His way.  And I have to let Him do it all.  I have to take my hands off it and let Him lead me and guide me through these responsibilities and to wait for those that have not come to pass yet.  I have to trust that His word is true - that what He spoke to me is true.

Yesterday, Pastor Stanley preached on obeying what God tells you to do, regardless of how much sense it makes to you or anyone else. Obey God and leave the consequences to Him.

My Meditations devotion spoke about not being stubborn like Baalam, who did not want to do what the Lord told Him to do and almost got himself killed in his rebellion, if not for the supernatural intervention of God through a talking Donkey to get him to act right.

And then last night, I quietly asked the Lord once again:  Did I hear you right?  I mean, I do believe that you spoke to me - and that you gave me scripture confirmation in Hebrews and Habakkuk, but, you know, you usually confirm stuff to me via scripture AND a devotion.

And I left it at that.

So, this morning, my Redemptive Pursuit devotion has this title:  Waiting on God.  And lo and behold, what is the scripture that the devotion is based on?  None other than the scripture the Lord gave me a few months ago when I asked him then, again, to confirm to me if what I heard is what I heard (and me also inquiring if said future husband is what's his name - sigh).

The scripture:

For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.
- Habakkuk 2:3 (NASB)

So, there it is in black & white - my devotion confirmation.  So, there it is in front of me, Kim.  Will you now let go and let God?  Wait on Him.  Let Him do His thing.  Forget about what other people think - whether you look like a lazy good for nothing. Don't worry about how much money you have or will have.  Just wait on God.  He will take care of you and Jonathan.  He will.  In the meantime, do what your heart is crying out for - DRAW NEAR TO HIM.  DRINK FROM HIS FULLNESS and be restored, equipped, readied for all that He has for you in the years, decades ahead.  Let Him renew you from the inside out.  He is preparing you and He will not tarry.  What is coming will not delay.  It certainly is coming. 

Wait on the Lord.