Matthew 7:6 "...do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot..."
I'm learning something about myself and some of the people in my life. I don't cast judgment, but through observation and experience, I'm seeing things that I need to change in me - particularly as they are enacted by others toward me and usually not at all consciously on the part of the person...ok maybe consciously -- since, in many instances, it's a conscious act on my part. The act in question being the situation I quote above -- casting pearls before swine - where pearls are significant, important parts of a person's life that they want to share with me or things important to me that I want to share with others -- and where swine is either me being distant, unavailable, or unresponsive when presented with these pearls or someone doing the same to me when I present my pearls.
It's being on the side of the non-response which shows me just how egregious a behavior that really is. Being confronted with my own behavior, I had to ask the Lord to forgive me for past offenses and to truly work in me so that I regard the pearls presented to me by loved ones with the care and kindness that they truly deserve.
And yet, it's also showing me that if there are repeated instances of this "swine-like" behavior by certain people, it's best to maybe reconsider throwing your pearls in that person's direction in the future. This is what Jesus is warning folks against. For it really doesn't feel good to have those pearls trampled under foot. So, really, why set yourself up for the pain?
Again, most of us who do this thing to others don't do it maliciously. We're too busy...we're a bit "tired" of either hearing or seeing the same ole, same ole again and again from this person, so you just ignore them, rather than go through what you consider the agony of having to deal with that thing that is such a pearl to them but seems pretty benign, petty, self-centered, foolish, or goofy to you. Whatever, the case is - the avoidance is a way to diminish discomfort on our part, but it's at the expense of the other person's heart and vulnerability -- they've opened themselves to you and you've basically stomped on that thing as if it really was of no consequence whatsoever.
I see that now.
So, I'm taking this as a hard lesson to do better in the future. To return the phone call or text message or email. To actually send a nice "how are you note" now and then, without then responding when they inquire about how I am with a novel of my life - or - if I'm trying to keep the convo to the bare minimum, with a few courtesy remarks that are only given so as to stop further emails from the person I'm trying to avoid.
Oh the things our selfish, too busy, too tired, too, too, too - hearts are so willing to do.
Lord help us to be like Jesus, who never turned aside from a need. And help me to not be too quickly offended or hurt when it happens to me - but also to exercise wisdom about just who gets to view my pearls - share those things of beauty in my life - like videos or pics of my little man - or my struggles with my vocation.
It's nice that I have a blog -- for I can share those things with You here -- and also just You everywhere. For You will never leave me or forsake me and my pearls are always precious in your sight...
Monday, January 9, 2012
I am convinced
The Lord IS so amazingly gracious and kind to me. So very much!
My last entry discussed my lingering emotions for Kay...my issues with rationalizing and reasoning over us - what could have been, what should be, what isn't. And then the Lord did the miraculous and used Tim Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage" to completely blow up all that reasoning and bring me back to the center of God's will for my life.
It is right - very right - for me - for my Father in heaven - for Kay - and for our future lives as spouses - to have ended the relationship as I did in July. It was right.
The chapter I opened to was the one on Sex in marriage. How eye-opening. What a revelation.
My unrest was necessary, because I was uniting myself to someone who was not my husband. Sex, as God desires it, is a uniting force - the thing the Lord uses to both seal and reinforce the covenant relationship between Himself, a wife and a husband. This uniting is not altered when you have sex outside of marriage. It's still there - but with it comes the angst, fear, trauma, distrust, and all the negative stuff attached to having sex with someone who is not committed to you in the way that God ordained married couples to be.
There was this amazing quote from C.S. Lewis that I will hang onto for the rest of my life: "Sex before marriage is like eating a gourmet meal without swallowing or digesting it." It's incomplete, and ultimately unsatisfying, and cannot do the full work of helping two people become one in covenant with God - or - through that oneness, draw them closer to the Father and the persons He desires them to be. Sex is part and parcel of the unique bond that exists in a Godly, Christ-centered marriage. And it is the only way that I desire to have it going forward.
That's why it's SO important to remain celibate before marriage. To not defile the marriage bed. To save yourself for the one who will cultivate and care for that part of you that you only make available to them - who you can be vulnerable with in Christ.
However, to do so - to remain celibate - a person must be CONVINCED that this is the thing to do. That this is the great sacrifice and offering to the Lord, who did ever more in His sacrifice of Himself for us.
Tim refrenced Jane Eyre. And it spoke specifically to my situation with Kay, for Mr. Rochester who is also still married to a woman with whom he no longer has a true marriage relationship, asks Jane to remain with him, as his mistress, as Kay has asked of me.
Jane, like myself, wrestles with her longing for him and her desire to please God - to remain convinced that to deny her desire for Rochester, will serve the greater good for them both and truly glorify the Lord.
She is convinced.
Of course, Jane Eyre provides a nice ending for Jane. Though she runs off and almost dies in that escape from a broken heart. The Lord eventually brings them back together -- however, Rochester is now a broken man - blinded by the fire that kills his wife (and ultimately the tie to a broken marriage, entered into for unGodly reasons (he was tricked into it by the woman's conniving brother and father - and his lust for her, not Christ-centered love).
My desire is to be completely free of Kay - and yet, I remember that prayer back in 2010 - those 7 days of declaring that I would meet my husband at the end of that period, and indeed, my mother coming home on that 7th day declaring "I have a husband for you!" - that person being Kay.
So, is the Lord about to work a work in Kay's life, similar to Mr. Rochester. Will my walking away, as I've done, moving forward with my life (even having someone quite Godly enter in who would possibly entertain making me his wife - as Jane's cousin does, when she retreats from Rochester) - will all that allow the Lord to do things in Kay's situation that will free him from his wife, but break him also of his pride, his striking independence, his questionable view of how to live life, his distance from the Father and accountability to other believers - will he come out broken, with new vision through Spiritual eyes, not a vision that is based on the lust of the flesh, but also a softened man - vulnerable, willing to be cared for as he has cared for others?
This last paragraph just came to me as I reflected on Jane and Rochester. I did not see it last night. I don't know. My one desire right now is deeper relationship with the Father, and if He deems it proper, a Godly marriage, where I am being used of Him to bring truth and encouragement, support and love into my husband's life. Both are mysterious works that only the Lord can bring to pass.
My last entry discussed my lingering emotions for Kay...my issues with rationalizing and reasoning over us - what could have been, what should be, what isn't. And then the Lord did the miraculous and used Tim Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage" to completely blow up all that reasoning and bring me back to the center of God's will for my life.
It is right - very right - for me - for my Father in heaven - for Kay - and for our future lives as spouses - to have ended the relationship as I did in July. It was right.
The chapter I opened to was the one on Sex in marriage. How eye-opening. What a revelation.
My unrest was necessary, because I was uniting myself to someone who was not my husband. Sex, as God desires it, is a uniting force - the thing the Lord uses to both seal and reinforce the covenant relationship between Himself, a wife and a husband. This uniting is not altered when you have sex outside of marriage. It's still there - but with it comes the angst, fear, trauma, distrust, and all the negative stuff attached to having sex with someone who is not committed to you in the way that God ordained married couples to be.
There was this amazing quote from C.S. Lewis that I will hang onto for the rest of my life: "Sex before marriage is like eating a gourmet meal without swallowing or digesting it." It's incomplete, and ultimately unsatisfying, and cannot do the full work of helping two people become one in covenant with God - or - through that oneness, draw them closer to the Father and the persons He desires them to be. Sex is part and parcel of the unique bond that exists in a Godly, Christ-centered marriage. And it is the only way that I desire to have it going forward.
That's why it's SO important to remain celibate before marriage. To not defile the marriage bed. To save yourself for the one who will cultivate and care for that part of you that you only make available to them - who you can be vulnerable with in Christ.
However, to do so - to remain celibate - a person must be CONVINCED that this is the thing to do. That this is the great sacrifice and offering to the Lord, who did ever more in His sacrifice of Himself for us.
Tim refrenced Jane Eyre. And it spoke specifically to my situation with Kay, for Mr. Rochester who is also still married to a woman with whom he no longer has a true marriage relationship, asks Jane to remain with him, as his mistress, as Kay has asked of me.
Jane, like myself, wrestles with her longing for him and her desire to please God - to remain convinced that to deny her desire for Rochester, will serve the greater good for them both and truly glorify the Lord.
She is convinced.
Of course, Jane Eyre provides a nice ending for Jane. Though she runs off and almost dies in that escape from a broken heart. The Lord eventually brings them back together -- however, Rochester is now a broken man - blinded by the fire that kills his wife (and ultimately the tie to a broken marriage, entered into for unGodly reasons (he was tricked into it by the woman's conniving brother and father - and his lust for her, not Christ-centered love).
My desire is to be completely free of Kay - and yet, I remember that prayer back in 2010 - those 7 days of declaring that I would meet my husband at the end of that period, and indeed, my mother coming home on that 7th day declaring "I have a husband for you!" - that person being Kay.
So, is the Lord about to work a work in Kay's life, similar to Mr. Rochester. Will my walking away, as I've done, moving forward with my life (even having someone quite Godly enter in who would possibly entertain making me his wife - as Jane's cousin does, when she retreats from Rochester) - will all that allow the Lord to do things in Kay's situation that will free him from his wife, but break him also of his pride, his striking independence, his questionable view of how to live life, his distance from the Father and accountability to other believers - will he come out broken, with new vision through Spiritual eyes, not a vision that is based on the lust of the flesh, but also a softened man - vulnerable, willing to be cared for as he has cared for others?
This last paragraph just came to me as I reflected on Jane and Rochester. I did not see it last night. I don't know. My one desire right now is deeper relationship with the Father, and if He deems it proper, a Godly marriage, where I am being used of Him to bring truth and encouragement, support and love into my husband's life. Both are mysterious works that only the Lord can bring to pass.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
I'm so grateful to my God. He continuously puts up with fickle me. I'm doing all I can to hold on to my profession of hope and faith regarding Sol and a future that I can envision will be rich with the goodness and power of our Lord and Savior - through all the ups & downs we are sure to encounter.
And yet...
Kay
He still lingers in my thoughts...and yes: my heart.
Why can't I shake him?
I'm doing my best to cast down ALL imaginations concerning him and take every thought about him to the obedience of Jesus Christ, i.e., what I didn't do, what I could've done, why the Lord allowed him to be the father of my blessed child and not someone who was truly available to build a life with...should I have not been so rigid? should I have continued in the relationship as it was? and on and on.
I keep comparing our situation to other folks where things weren't perfect -- or the woman and man are clearly very sold out for Christ and live out their faith in the way they treat others -- yet, they were clearly sexually intimate before marriage -2 couples in fact getting pregnant, but losing the child before they walked down the aisle -- and I'm certain the Lord will now bless each marriage with a lovely and healthy child. Yet, I could not continue sexually with Kay -- I could not get past the fact that he was still married. I could not get past it.
The week before Christmas, on a Thursday, in the wee morning hours, I had several dreams about Kay. All quite psychologically traumatic. All indicative of his unavailability to me in a true relationship where we can grow in understanding of one another - both single individuals under Christ - with our unique baggage, yet, not legally attached to anyone else.
Strangely he texted me that next morning asking that I give him a call when I got a chance. I gathered my nerve, still reeling a bit from the dreams, and called him. I related to him the fact that I had dreamed about him and that they weren't the most positive dreams, either. He chuckled saying it's because I have negative thoughts about him. We went onto another subject - Jonathan's Christmas gifts - and ended the convo after that.
A couple of hours later - on his busy Thursday - he took time to send me a text saying: "Your fears are only in your dreams. Think positively and we could have a wonderful life together."
I didn't respond. Didn't know what to say and felt in my spirit I shouldn't say anything, so I left the text stand by itself - festering in my iPhone message trail with Kay.
I've yet to speak about it. However, in the wake of my non-response, he shut down. I guess that was his last olive branch. Maybe if I had reached for it and said what I really wanted to: "That's what I hope for, too, Kay -- I love you so much and I want to build a wonderful life with you." things would be different. Yet, is that "wonderful life" a life with him still married? Yes, I'm pretty sure that IS what he meant. And that is the reason why I walked away back in July. It's terms like that for which I simply can't abide.
So, I hope now for a "new thing" with Sol. Kay is the "old has passed" -- or the "old is passing...slowly, slowly passing". Sol is the new that is coming, coming --- please, oh, please come! Lord, use Sol and I to erase all that came before in our lives!
The Lord answered my prayer about erasing all that my life was as a childless, single woman before Jonathan....all that free time by myself I was so afraid to give up. I honestly don't remember it or why I was so fond of it. Time with Jonathan is far more richer and fulfilling than any "me time" I ever experienced before him. It can be frustrating, and I can lose my cool and see my sin so fiercely before me when I get upset with him (his stubbornness and rambunctiousness - whew!) - but still, I take all of that as well and it still is better than anything I did by myself before Jonathan. The Lord completely dismantled my old life and I have no desire for it again.
So, I know He can move in the same powerful way with my meeting with Sol. That He can pour out his power on our introduction so that all romantic relationships that we've experienced before our intro will seem like a vapor -- mere, fuzzy memories -- and not anything that we would desire now.
BUT -- Even MORE than Sol, I can, in the days going forward, spend time getting more and more acquainted with my Father and who I am in Christ, making those endeavors the supremely MOST fulfilling part of my life -- not Jonathan, Sol, vocation, calling, whatever -- JESUS, MY Mighty, Magnificent, Perfect, Loving, AWESOME, Powerful, MERCIFUL, and GRACIOUS Savior.
He is WHO and WHAT I need most of all...
And yet...
Kay
He still lingers in my thoughts...and yes: my heart.
Why can't I shake him?
I'm doing my best to cast down ALL imaginations concerning him and take every thought about him to the obedience of Jesus Christ, i.e., what I didn't do, what I could've done, why the Lord allowed him to be the father of my blessed child and not someone who was truly available to build a life with...should I have not been so rigid? should I have continued in the relationship as it was? and on and on.
I keep comparing our situation to other folks where things weren't perfect -- or the woman and man are clearly very sold out for Christ and live out their faith in the way they treat others -- yet, they were clearly sexually intimate before marriage -2 couples in fact getting pregnant, but losing the child before they walked down the aisle -- and I'm certain the Lord will now bless each marriage with a lovely and healthy child. Yet, I could not continue sexually with Kay -- I could not get past the fact that he was still married. I could not get past it.
The week before Christmas, on a Thursday, in the wee morning hours, I had several dreams about Kay. All quite psychologically traumatic. All indicative of his unavailability to me in a true relationship where we can grow in understanding of one another - both single individuals under Christ - with our unique baggage, yet, not legally attached to anyone else.
Strangely he texted me that next morning asking that I give him a call when I got a chance. I gathered my nerve, still reeling a bit from the dreams, and called him. I related to him the fact that I had dreamed about him and that they weren't the most positive dreams, either. He chuckled saying it's because I have negative thoughts about him. We went onto another subject - Jonathan's Christmas gifts - and ended the convo after that.
A couple of hours later - on his busy Thursday - he took time to send me a text saying: "Your fears are only in your dreams. Think positively and we could have a wonderful life together."
I didn't respond. Didn't know what to say and felt in my spirit I shouldn't say anything, so I left the text stand by itself - festering in my iPhone message trail with Kay.
I've yet to speak about it. However, in the wake of my non-response, he shut down. I guess that was his last olive branch. Maybe if I had reached for it and said what I really wanted to: "That's what I hope for, too, Kay -- I love you so much and I want to build a wonderful life with you." things would be different. Yet, is that "wonderful life" a life with him still married? Yes, I'm pretty sure that IS what he meant. And that is the reason why I walked away back in July. It's terms like that for which I simply can't abide.
So, I hope now for a "new thing" with Sol. Kay is the "old has passed" -- or the "old is passing...slowly, slowly passing". Sol is the new that is coming, coming --- please, oh, please come! Lord, use Sol and I to erase all that came before in our lives!
The Lord answered my prayer about erasing all that my life was as a childless, single woman before Jonathan....all that free time by myself I was so afraid to give up. I honestly don't remember it or why I was so fond of it. Time with Jonathan is far more richer and fulfilling than any "me time" I ever experienced before him. It can be frustrating, and I can lose my cool and see my sin so fiercely before me when I get upset with him (his stubbornness and rambunctiousness - whew!) - but still, I take all of that as well and it still is better than anything I did by myself before Jonathan. The Lord completely dismantled my old life and I have no desire for it again.
So, I know He can move in the same powerful way with my meeting with Sol. That He can pour out his power on our introduction so that all romantic relationships that we've experienced before our intro will seem like a vapor -- mere, fuzzy memories -- and not anything that we would desire now.
BUT -- Even MORE than Sol, I can, in the days going forward, spend time getting more and more acquainted with my Father and who I am in Christ, making those endeavors the supremely MOST fulfilling part of my life -- not Jonathan, Sol, vocation, calling, whatever -- JESUS, MY Mighty, Magnificent, Perfect, Loving, AWESOME, Powerful, MERCIFUL, and GRACIOUS Savior.
He is WHO and WHAT I need most of all...
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Wedding inspiration
I've been fascinated for the past few days with a couple of very creative wedding sites: The Bride's Cafe (http://thebridescafe.com) and Munaluchi Bridal (http://munaluchibridal.com).
There are a multitude of real wedding pics on both sites that are quite beautiful and inspiring. I know for myself I have a vision of actually being married in my parent's living room and then going out to an intimate dinner with family afterward. However, a few months later, I would like us to marry again in a small and simple but elegant ceremony at the Lady of Restoration Chapel in Cold Spring, NY - having an intimate brunch reception afterward in the Chancery. I know that a great photographer, great caterer and great florist will be necessary -- and very unique favors and welcome gifts for guests staying overnight. I believe that our intimate dinner after the first ceremony will take place at Sophie's Bistro. I would like Pastor Kelvin to marry us in Cold Spring and Rev. Robinson to marry us at my parents (or maybe we'll have two Pastors in Cold Spring).
Just my rough sketch vision. I place the absolute details in the hands of my Father in heaven.
Oh -- I do have a dress for the first ceremony. That sweet little dress that I bought in New Hope. I still need my petal pink shoes, however...
But let's return to the http://munaluchibridal.com site.
Last night, I was particularly moved by a story about an ex-NFL player who married his bride, while she was battling cancer, only 1 month before she passed. The video truly messed me up and was a pivotal thing for me to see. I got a real glimpse of the love that Christ displayed to us through this man's show of love for his wife -- to give her the wedding that most women dream of -- to take that walk down the aisle, to kiss the man that you love at the alter after exchanging covenant vows before our Father - to dance that first dance with your husband -- to dance that beautiful poignant dance with your dad (she actually got the strength to boogie down with her dad:->). It truly was life changing. I pray I never forget what I learned there: Love is never about what you can get -- it's ALWAYS absolutely, completely, unquestionably about what you can give...
There are a multitude of real wedding pics on both sites that are quite beautiful and inspiring. I know for myself I have a vision of actually being married in my parent's living room and then going out to an intimate dinner with family afterward. However, a few months later, I would like us to marry again in a small and simple but elegant ceremony at the Lady of Restoration Chapel in Cold Spring, NY - having an intimate brunch reception afterward in the Chancery. I know that a great photographer, great caterer and great florist will be necessary -- and very unique favors and welcome gifts for guests staying overnight. I believe that our intimate dinner after the first ceremony will take place at Sophie's Bistro. I would like Pastor Kelvin to marry us in Cold Spring and Rev. Robinson to marry us at my parents (or maybe we'll have two Pastors in Cold Spring).
Just my rough sketch vision. I place the absolute details in the hands of my Father in heaven.
Oh -- I do have a dress for the first ceremony. That sweet little dress that I bought in New Hope. I still need my petal pink shoes, however...
But let's return to the http://munaluchibridal.com site.
Last night, I was particularly moved by a story about an ex-NFL player who married his bride, while she was battling cancer, only 1 month before she passed. The video truly messed me up and was a pivotal thing for me to see. I got a real glimpse of the love that Christ displayed to us through this man's show of love for his wife -- to give her the wedding that most women dream of -- to take that walk down the aisle, to kiss the man that you love at the alter after exchanging covenant vows before our Father - to dance that first dance with your husband -- to dance that beautiful poignant dance with your dad (she actually got the strength to boogie down with her dad:->). It truly was life changing. I pray I never forget what I learned there: Love is never about what you can get -- it's ALWAYS absolutely, completely, unquestionably about what you can give...
Sol...
For several years an old colleague from POK has been trying to connect me with her younger brother, Solomon (Sol to family - Saul to his friends). It just hasn't happened. The closest was in the spring/summer of 2010 - right before I discovered that I was pregnant with Jonathan. I had to back out of a bbq that Betty invited me to because I was in the thick of things with Kay and Phil B. had recently also stepped back into the picture. I was a royal mess, emotionally, and didn't think it was wise to try to meet someone new at that time in my life. She said that Sol was disappointed and that she was certain if we'd meet, I would get a husband out of it! She's got such a conviction in her heart that we would be great for one another.
Well, fast forward to summer 2011. Betty contacts me again - me now with beautiful Jonathan - and inquiries if I'm still interested in meeting Sol. I say sure. She says she'll get back to me on arranging something. She never does. Good thing. Even though I was at the tail end of my "situation" with Kay, I was still tip-toeing in the mucky mire of it, and so it was, yet again, not a good time for me to meet Sol.
We come to early January 2012 - in the wake of two fasts related to meeting my husband. I receive a Christmas Card from Betty saying she'll call me after the New Year. I decided to go ahead and send her a New Years greeting on 1/5/12 (2 = Witness, Agreement, Partnership). She's glad to hear from me and mentions again my meeting Sol. We set up a meeting for Saturday, 1/7/12 (4 = God's creative works - Perfect Order of God). However, Betty has to cancel. Sol has a church obligation (a good sign!). We reschedule for 1/28/12 (7=Spiritual Completeness - God's Perfection). More time is good for me - because I'm on a mission to complete some mental, spiritual preparation for meeting someone with whom I can share my life and build a family, centered in Christ. This includes, completing three books and a Joyce Meyer tape series. 21 Days. Can I? Shall I? I hope in God, I will!
So Sol...
Is he he the one I've been asking for all these years? Is Betty like Abraham's servant to Rebekkah: Bringing me to my Isaac? A man who seeks the Lord - older - committed to his mom -- committed to God -- who loves me and who prays for me -- a man I can say Yes to, Pray over, Care for, Encourage, and support -- submit to as my head under Christ?
Lord, you've heard my prayers. You know the final outcome.
I state here in an act of faith that I'm believing that You have ordered our steps and that You have heard our prayers. That You have moved heaven and earth and timed our meeting according to your perfect plans for our lives. I believe that You desire for Sol and I to become great friends and that You are able to knit us together to become deeply intwined, through our Spirit man, as man and wife - cleaving unto one another - becoming one - uniting to achieve more together than either of us could ever have done alone. I want to be positive for once when it comes to meeting someone. We're both advanced in age. I am now a mother. We don't want to waste any more time. I long to be married and give of myself in marriage - as scary as that really is. As vulnerable and totally OUT OF CONTROL that could be for me. I desire it. I hope for it. Only You can bring it to pass. I hope in You that I am attracted to Sol's spirit - but also to him as a man - in terms of his voice, his hands, his physical appearance -- his breath! (Lord PLEASE let him have good breath!) I thank you even now for an answer to my prayer that the Sol be THE BEST KISSER --- as if I've never been kissed before! And Lord, move him to pursue me with abandon -- to be unto me even moreso than Tim was to Whitney. Let there be a beauty about our connection that inspires others. Move mightily on our behalfs. Not because we deserve it - but by your great, unmatchless mercy & grace alone! YOU ARE My praise and DESERVE ALL MY PRAISE, ALL MY HONOR -- I thank you in advance for what only YOU can do. I DESIRE TO SEE YOU GLORIFIED through this answered prayer. I thank you for preparing Sol and I during these weeks till we meet.
I ask you to find me a very pretty dress - even if it is already in my closet. Lord, make me to be especially pretty that evening. My skin radiant, my hair falling just right - and the beauty of a quiet spirit, being the thing that truly enchants him. Let me be to Sol like no other woman before me. May he be the same for me -- like no other man. Oh, I rejoice in your word, Lord:
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Hallelujah!!!
Well, fast forward to summer 2011. Betty contacts me again - me now with beautiful Jonathan - and inquiries if I'm still interested in meeting Sol. I say sure. She says she'll get back to me on arranging something. She never does. Good thing. Even though I was at the tail end of my "situation" with Kay, I was still tip-toeing in the mucky mire of it, and so it was, yet again, not a good time for me to meet Sol.
We come to early January 2012 - in the wake of two fasts related to meeting my husband. I receive a Christmas Card from Betty saying she'll call me after the New Year. I decided to go ahead and send her a New Years greeting on 1/5/12 (2 = Witness, Agreement, Partnership). She's glad to hear from me and mentions again my meeting Sol. We set up a meeting for Saturday, 1/7/12 (4 = God's creative works - Perfect Order of God). However, Betty has to cancel. Sol has a church obligation (a good sign!). We reschedule for 1/28/12 (7=Spiritual Completeness - God's Perfection). More time is good for me - because I'm on a mission to complete some mental, spiritual preparation for meeting someone with whom I can share my life and build a family, centered in Christ. This includes, completing three books and a Joyce Meyer tape series. 21 Days. Can I? Shall I? I hope in God, I will!
So Sol...
Is he he the one I've been asking for all these years? Is Betty like Abraham's servant to Rebekkah: Bringing me to my Isaac? A man who seeks the Lord - older - committed to his mom -- committed to God -- who loves me and who prays for me -- a man I can say Yes to, Pray over, Care for, Encourage, and support -- submit to as my head under Christ?
Lord, you've heard my prayers. You know the final outcome.
I state here in an act of faith that I'm believing that You have ordered our steps and that You have heard our prayers. That You have moved heaven and earth and timed our meeting according to your perfect plans for our lives. I believe that You desire for Sol and I to become great friends and that You are able to knit us together to become deeply intwined, through our Spirit man, as man and wife - cleaving unto one another - becoming one - uniting to achieve more together than either of us could ever have done alone. I want to be positive for once when it comes to meeting someone. We're both advanced in age. I am now a mother. We don't want to waste any more time. I long to be married and give of myself in marriage - as scary as that really is. As vulnerable and totally OUT OF CONTROL that could be for me. I desire it. I hope for it. Only You can bring it to pass. I hope in You that I am attracted to Sol's spirit - but also to him as a man - in terms of his voice, his hands, his physical appearance -- his breath! (Lord PLEASE let him have good breath!) I thank you even now for an answer to my prayer that the Sol be THE BEST KISSER --- as if I've never been kissed before! And Lord, move him to pursue me with abandon -- to be unto me even moreso than Tim was to Whitney. Let there be a beauty about our connection that inspires others. Move mightily on our behalfs. Not because we deserve it - but by your great, unmatchless mercy & grace alone! YOU ARE My praise and DESERVE ALL MY PRAISE, ALL MY HONOR -- I thank you in advance for what only YOU can do. I DESIRE TO SEE YOU GLORIFIED through this answered prayer. I thank you for preparing Sol and I during these weeks till we meet.
I ask you to find me a very pretty dress - even if it is already in my closet. Lord, make me to be especially pretty that evening. My skin radiant, my hair falling just right - and the beauty of a quiet spirit, being the thing that truly enchants him. Let me be to Sol like no other woman before me. May he be the same for me -- like no other man. Oh, I rejoice in your word, Lord:
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Hallelujah!!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Trusting God
As the New Year approaches, I received two devotions today that pretty much spoke on the same thing: Trust. Both actually used David and Goliath to inform the message. SO typical of God when He desires to drive a point home in my heart.
My current prayer for 2012 is that the challenges in the year ahead are mainly the challenge of walking away from IBM...the challenge of walking into a doctoral program and all that will mean to my energy reserves, my strength & courage in Christ, my ability to stand and see the power of the Lord being worked out and His glory and majesty being lifted up...the challenge of delving deeper into the joys and frustrations of raising Jonathan...and the challenge of endeavoring to stand in the power of God within a faithful marriage to a man who the Lord allows me to love, honor and lift up.
That's what I'm hoping. We shall see what the Lord ultimately has in store. Nonetheless, whatever it is, these words of encouragement to trust in Him always, will follow me all year long.
Giants always fall in the presence of God.
It was David who first spoke about the fall of the mighty. He spoke these words about the death of Saul and his son, Jonathan.
David had seen the fall of many mighty men. As a boy, he had defeated the giant, Goliath. He had led Israel into battle against enemies with far greater resources. With a relatively small army, he had outfoxed Saul and his legions. Then Saul and Jonathan died in battle, men who previously had been “mighty.”
David learned that God alone truly is “mighty.” As he once asked, “Who is the King of glory?” The answer? “The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle” (Psalm 24:8).
He has already set in motion the defeat and fall of every giant we will ever face. Our responsibility is to step through our fear, facing every giant in God's power and with His promises. The Holy Spirit will guide the path of His truth to its destined mark, taking down the giants lurking in each tomorrow.
If you find yourself filled with turmoil and anxiety, start focusing on God. Commit your needs to Him. Speak His promises. Turn every problem over to Him, just as weaned children trust in their mothers.
Humble yourself in the presence of the Lord, and submit your life and every issue you face to Him. Then start praising Him and thanking Him for His answers.
When you give up control and learn how to trust God, He turns your walk through life into a beautiful dance that's He's choreographed just for you.
Right now, calm and quiet your soul, and receive His peace. Place your hope in Him!
My current prayer for 2012 is that the challenges in the year ahead are mainly the challenge of walking away from IBM...the challenge of walking into a doctoral program and all that will mean to my energy reserves, my strength & courage in Christ, my ability to stand and see the power of the Lord being worked out and His glory and majesty being lifted up...the challenge of delving deeper into the joys and frustrations of raising Jonathan...and the challenge of endeavoring to stand in the power of God within a faithful marriage to a man who the Lord allows me to love, honor and lift up.
That's what I'm hoping. We shall see what the Lord ultimately has in store. Nonetheless, whatever it is, these words of encouragement to trust in Him always, will follow me all year long.
***
Giants always fall in the presence of God.
It was David who first spoke about the fall of the mighty. He spoke these words about the death of Saul and his son, Jonathan.
David had seen the fall of many mighty men. As a boy, he had defeated the giant, Goliath. He had led Israel into battle against enemies with far greater resources. With a relatively small army, he had outfoxed Saul and his legions. Then Saul and Jonathan died in battle, men who previously had been “mighty.”
David learned that God alone truly is “mighty.” As he once asked, “Who is the King of glory?” The answer? “The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle” (Psalm 24:8).
He has already set in motion the defeat and fall of every giant we will ever face. Our responsibility is to step through our fear, facing every giant in God's power and with His promises. The Holy Spirit will guide the path of His truth to its destined mark, taking down the giants lurking in each tomorrow.
If you find yourself filled with turmoil and anxiety, start focusing on God. Commit your needs to Him. Speak His promises. Turn every problem over to Him, just as weaned children trust in their mothers.
Humble yourself in the presence of the Lord, and submit your life and every issue you face to Him. Then start praising Him and thanking Him for His answers.
When you give up control and learn how to trust God, He turns your walk through life into a beautiful dance that's He's choreographed just for you.
Right now, calm and quiet your soul, and receive His peace. Place your hope in Him!
How Shall I Make Love to My Husband?
By respecting and honoring him...
By admiring his many God-given talents and simply admiring the man that he is...
By not talking down to him...
By speaking truth to him in the power of love and grace...
By receiving truth from him in the power of love and grace...
By encouraging him...
By comforting him when he desires to be comforted...
By knowing when he needs to be left alone to think or reflect...
By praying over him daily...
By considering his needs...
By anticipating his wants through the leadership of the Holy Spirit...
By laughing with him...and crying with him...
By having fun with him...
By taking care of my physical appearance...
By creating a comfortable living environment where he can rest and relax...
By growing with him as we study the word and fellowship with other believers...
By making sure he gets a good, hearty, hot meal now and then...
By my honesty and trustworthiness...
By my walk with the Lord...
By endeavoring to be humble, thankful and thoughtful...
By listening and hearing...
By supporting and uplifting him on a daily basis...
By the love of Christ that dwells in me...
I may not get it all perfect, all of the time, but I hope that I'm able to reach these goals, most of the time, through the power of the Lord, who enables all that is good in me. I'll always endeavor to walk in the fruit of the Sprit when I'm by your side.
By admiring his many God-given talents and simply admiring the man that he is...
By not talking down to him...
By speaking truth to him in the power of love and grace...
By receiving truth from him in the power of love and grace...
By encouraging him...
By comforting him when he desires to be comforted...
By knowing when he needs to be left alone to think or reflect...
By praying over him daily...
By considering his needs...
By anticipating his wants through the leadership of the Holy Spirit...
By laughing with him...and crying with him...
By having fun with him...
By taking care of my physical appearance...
By creating a comfortable living environment where he can rest and relax...
By growing with him as we study the word and fellowship with other believers...
By making sure he gets a good, hearty, hot meal now and then...
By my honesty and trustworthiness...
By my walk with the Lord...
By endeavoring to be humble, thankful and thoughtful...
By listening and hearing...
By supporting and uplifting him on a daily basis...
By the love of Christ that dwells in me...
I may not get it all perfect, all of the time, but I hope that I'm able to reach these goals, most of the time, through the power of the Lord, who enables all that is good in me. I'll always endeavor to walk in the fruit of the Sprit when I'm by your side.
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