Note to a pastor friend

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

This morning as my son and I frolicked on the floor, I remembered that he is only here because the Lord told me to wait. Has God ever given you a specific word telling you to wait somewhere? Let me explain what happened to me. 

Several years ago I was working as a doorman on an overnight shift. I hated the work. Then, I got a job offer which would require me to go to Virginia. I prayed about it and the Lord told me I could not leave the doorman job. I felt He was telling to stay where I was for a season. Shortly after I prayed, I met my wife. 

Is God telling you to stay in a situation you hate? Is He saying wait? Don't get discouraged. It always pays to listen to His voice. 

Go where He tells you to go, and stay where He tells you to stay. He knows what's best for you. I've learned this the hard way. 

Obey God and never persuade anyone to stay in your life unless they feel God has commanded them to be there. This is another hard lesson I'm learning. You can't hold on to people, or dreams, when God is leading them away from you. 

Whenever I hold on to something, or someone, who feels led to go in a different direction, I've always missed the blessing of God. People come and people go, success comes and success goes. You can only keep the things God has set aside for you. 

I've lived long enough to see a child nourished by a loving mother abandon her, a husband who vowed to be faithful walk away from his family, and best friends become enemies. You can only hold on to the things God has for you. I'm learning this again the hard way.

Is the Lord taking away something you cherish? Don't despair, just wait. Is the Lord telling you to wait somewhere you don't want to be? Don't be anxious, just wait. Wait for the Lord, and...

Be Encouraged.

- Tim Cooper, 11/15/13

Hey, Tim.  It's amazing how the Lord uses the devotions I get on a daily basis to minister to me.  This devotion is the 4th one I got today where the main message was about trusting in the Lord and waiting on Him.  One pointed out that He is El Elyon - God Most High - and that moniker alone should give us enough confidence to place our trust and hope in Him.

I'm not sure if I told you this already, so forgive me if I am repeating myself. Earlier this year, I believe sometime in March, I decided to follow instructions given by Charles Stanley to sit quietly with the Lord and ask Him what His plans were for my life post-IBM; to ask and wait for the answer.  So, I did this, and the answer disturbed me.  I heard very clearly that my next vocation would be "marriage and family".  That made no sense to me.  I was hoping (at the time I was still awaiting responses from the PhD programs) He would tell me something about my future career in education, or possibly give me an idea for book, or confirm my desire to live abroad at some point with Jonathan.  No - just "marriage and family", nothing more, nothing less.

I've been struggling with this word from the Lord ever since I received it.  The PhD program didn't happen, and then my father's fall  and the myriad of responsibilities around that seemed to add some weight to the word that was given to me...that possibly the immediate years ahead would be focused on caring for elderly parents and Jonathan and supporting this yet-to-manifest-himself husband.  That was an additional concern, because I constantly waffle about even wanting to be married, because I have a real, sometimes obsessive affection for and comfort in my singleness and not having to share my life in such an intimate fashion.

The strain I've experienced recently as a result of caring for my parents and difficulties dealing with Jonathan's toddler-hood has made this word even more unwanted.  And so, in my own strength, I've been attempting to re-enter the work world in opposition to His word.  After all, I have a son to take care of and my savings are eventually going to run out.  I've been applying to a variety of things, such as the NYC Teaching Collaborative (still haven't heard back - and not sure i really want to do it) and  other stuff on-line that seems to fit my project management/tech writing background. Nothing has materialized thus far, and underneath all these attempts is a feeling of acute resentment that my sabbatical year to discover God's call on my life was sort of hijacked by my father's injury - and that when I specifically asked about that call, the Lord gave me a response that continues to baffle me.  In a nutshell, I was feeling like He had left me out to dry; that I now had to take it upon myself to figure out how to get out of my situation and that meant I might have to go back to doing what I had so hated doing before (working in IT, in project management).

Thankfully, the Lord didn't condemn me for my anger and depression.  He heard my heart cry and I can say that today I'm in a much better place.  He sent me words of encouragement through an awesome book called "Undaunted" by Christine Caine.  And just talking about it to you and Lolita has lifted quite a bit of the burden.  I'm, in a way, rejoicing in my infirmities, as Paul tells us to do in Corinthians, realizing that indeed His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  I've been endeavoring to turn my moaning into thanksgiving and by doing so, I'm experiencing much more peace.

Over the last few days, I've been slowly letting go of the reigns on my life.  I suppose I need to just let God move in my life to bring this word to fruition.  Whether I think I want it or am capable of it really doesn't matter.  If it's His plan, He'll work out all the small details and give me the abilities I need to carry it out.

Your devotion spoke to me especially because back in August, I asked the Lord again about that word.  I was wondering if maybe I was just hearing Him wrong and asked Him if He would give me scripture to confirm what I thought He said.

I prayed and then opened my Bible.  He took me straight to these verses in Hebrews 10:

35 Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. 36 For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:

37 “For yet a little while,
And He[j] who is coming will come and will not tarry.
38 Now the[k] just shall live by faith;
But if anyone draws back,
My soul has no pleasure in him.”[l]

39 But we are not of those who draw back to perdition, but of those who believe to the saving of the soul.

I wasn't too happy at the time to read that scripture and continued to fight him on it through this continued searching in my own understanding of a way to escape my situation (get a job, get my own money, move out with Jonathan, and only have to deal with my family from a distance and have enough income to take care of Jonathan on my own, without a husband).

However, in the wake of receiving that scripture, this statement in your devotion really resonated with me:

Is God telling you to stay in a situation you hate? Is He saying wait? Don't get discouraged. It always pays to listen to His voice. 

 If i had read those words even two weeks ago, they might have sunk me deeper into my depression about my current circumstances. I'm grateful that they came now and the other devotions that I received today, when my heart is in a place of thanksgiving about what's going on rather than dread...where my heart is more open to God doing whatever He needs to do to accomplish His purposes in my life.

Thanks again, Tim.  Safe travels to you and Yuka and sweet Kento.  I pray you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving!