It's Sunday and we stayed home today to nurse Jonathan's cold. I believe he finally succumbed to one of the colds going around his preschool class. Every child in there seemed to have a runny nose last week. A bit nasty, I must admit. If Jonathan is still shooting out snot with every sneeze on Tuesday, I'll keep him home. I thank God for the luxury of being able to do that. Many of the children in his class don't have that option. Mom and Dad need to go to work outside the home and thus, they're at the mercy of Ms. Susan and Ms. Christina to ensure that their noses get cleaned. Clearly our sweet teachers don't have time to wipe the noses of every child in the class. So runny noses galore - hurrah, hurrah (yuck!)
Anyway, I felt that this is a good time to catch up on where things are in my life. Not much progression. Two rejections from Auburn and VCU in terms of the PhD in Bizness programs. A bit disappointing, but I'm seeing now - or should I say "feeling now" - that that might not be the direction beyond IBM the Lord has for me. I don't know - I still have Rutgers, so the Lord might have some miracle up His sleeve there. I rejoice in His mighty work whatever the outcome. Ultimately, I still don't know what the exact direction is but that's also something that I've been learning that I need to simply rest in the Lord about and to stop striving to figure it all out.
And, indeed, everything has been pointing in that direction: All of the reading in our 40-Day Challenge of the NT (awesome)...our discussions in the small study group with three fantastic women of God - Kathie, Corey and Bic (what a blessing they are and how grateful to God I am for the courage He gave me to follow through on His prompting to lead this group)...my devotions over the last month, but particularly the last week; so many pointing to simply waiting, resting, and spending time with the Lord... and even today, the word from Pastor Prince on TV was about the fact that what God considers most Holy is the act of REST and that we should labor only to ENTER that REST. When we do, He is able to flow through our lives with a graceful ease - bringing to us all those things we try to strategize, plan, and work for.
And then Pastor Osteen pointed out another thing the Lord has placed on my heart recently, which is to listen to His still small voice as we rest - to follow through on those impressions that He gives us that many times we simply dismiss. For example, recently I needed gas and I sensed I should not go to my regular gas station but wait till I got on Route 27, where I was about to travel. However, in my impatience I decided to go to my regular spot. Well, when I got on Route 27, there were about 3 stations that were selling gas from 10 to 12 cents less than what I paid. Needless to say, I was disgusted with myself. This kind of thing happens to me all the time. I have to listen, listen, listen. Leaving IBM was an act of listening. Moving back to NJ was an act of listening. When I do, His blessings flow. When I don't, it's as if I tie up His hands - I block His mighty, miraculous working power.
The goal must be for Him to be absolutely, utterly, completely, without doubt, glorified in my life. That happens through rest. He can be glorified through my care of Jonathan - not thwarted by my anxiety, impatience, selfishness, self-centeredness, or striving to be a "great" mom in my own, mediocre power.
He can be glorified in whatever work He eventually places before me beyond this time of focused rest after IBM. He has impressed upon me what that work will be and for now I shall keep that between Himself and I. It is hard for me to accept because of the open-endedness of it all and because there is no way that I can add my own effort to it to make it come to pass. I have to simply do the things He's told me to do: spend quiet time with Him early in the morning, read the books He's led me to read, continue in my work with the small group, write regularly in my blog, and spend more time communicating with my dad. However, the number one thing is the time with Him - just basking in His presence and listening for next steps. To not try to plan out my next move. To not worry how anything will be funded, how things will happen. So, that takes my hands off worrying about how I'll extend my funds until August 2014 - the time period I strongly sense that I'm to wait on Him and be led of Him to that next thing. He is preparing me in the interim. He'll take care of preschool, summer, fall, winter clothes, healthcare payments, food, recreational stuff, my vehicle, tithes, offerings and miscellaneous and regular expenses. He'll take care of them. Me: Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these other things will be given to you.
So, that's where I'm at, on the 24th day of March 2013 - 17 months more to go till August 2014. I've been thinking about primary school teaching (maybe 3rd grade with an ESL certification). Now, I'm not foolish, so I will research, but my research will be spirit led. If a door opens, I'll walk through it. If there's another direction, I'll take that. I simply know that the thing I mentioned about that He's impressed upon me is THE work - the primary work. There is simply preparation involved so that in that work He is MOST glorified. I will rest as Lazarus rested until Christ came to resurrect Him to new life - for indeed we worship a Savior who IS the Resurrection and the life. In Him I move, and breathe, and have my meaning. In Him, there is a future and a hope. I will only find it through this intense time of resting, that will prepare me to be able in that next thing, to enter that rest at will.
Thank you, Jesus!
P.S. I sense that one of the books I'm to read - and this just came to me after putting it away for the 100th time after Jonathan pulled it off the shelf - the only book he keeps pulling off my newly installed bookshelf - is Joel Osteen's "Your Best LIfe Now". I never finished reading the book. Instead, I listened to the book on audio, which was a blessing. However, I suppose I need to actually read the paperback version from cover to cover. So, after I finish this awesome book I'm reading now called "Greater", I'll dig into "Best Life". Not sure what new thing the Lord will speak to me through reading it, but I look forward to the journey.
Again - Thank you, Jesus!
P.S. P.S. I forgot! My title to this post is based on info from my Meditations devotion today. It truly encapsulates what the Lord is doing in my life and how He desires me to live with Him - how He desires ALL of His followers to live with Him:
Click to read: Ecclesiastes 5:2
Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few.
Don't talk so much. Maybe your parents told you that as a kid. Maybe your spouse tells you that now. Maybe your coworkers tell it to you. Whether you've heard it or haven't, it's good advice from scripture when you are in God's presence. Our viewpoint is so limited. We are on earth. We see things from an earthly perspective. We think earthbound thoughts.
Peter was like this when Jesus was transfigured. He blurts out, "Lord, it is good for us to have been here. Let us build three tabernacles. One for you; one for Moses and one for Elijah." Jesus didn't even respond to that statement. Instead, a cloud covered the group, and the voice of God spoke a heavenly viewpoint: "This is my beloved Son. Hear Him." Call it a mild rebuke, but God was essentially saying, "It's not what you say that really matters here, Peter. LISTEN!"
We are so self-centered that even when we do break through the lack of discipline and begin in earnest to have a prayer life, we naturally assume that it is what WE have to say that is all important. God simply wants us to learn to kneel, to listen, to learn from Him. He has the plan of the ages. He has the plan for your life. You'll never learn it by talking, but you will learn a great deal by listening to Him instead.
Be blessed.
Craig Thompson
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