I was forwarded an email this evening that contained a quote from a writer that I've never heard of - Adyashanti. I'll have to wikipedia her at some point to get the background info. However, right now, knowing who she is and her history really isn't that interesting. What's interesting is a portion of the quote that I read in the email. Here it is:
Grace is something that comes to us when we somehow find ourselves completely available, when we become open-hearted and open-minded, and are willing to entertain the possibility that we may not know what we think we know. In this gap of not knowing, in the suspension of any conclusion, a whole other element of life and reality can rush in. This is what I call grace. It's that moment of of "ah-hah!" --- a moment of recognition when we realize something that previously we never could quite imagine. - from "Falling into Grace" by Adyashanti
Grace comes when we are:
...completely available
...open-hearted
...open-minded
...willing to admit that we don't know
I don't know if Adyashanti is a believer in Jesus Christ - that she has received the precious gift of salvation, which has been imparted to us by grace, not in response to any works on our part. Yet, there is so much truth in her description about what it takes to receive grace. For Christ-followers, I'd say it also gives a nice description of what it takes to receive the grace-filled gift of salvation: we must be completely available, open-hearted, open-minded and willing to admit that we don't know.
I'm completely available when I let go of all preconceived notions of how I should approach God or how He should approach me.
I'm open-hearted when I lay down pride and arrogance, and allow the soft caress of his love to massage my heart and to melt it into His own.
I am open-minded when I realize that my salvation is no different, better or inferior, than the next person's. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Through Christ, we are all provided the option to receive the gift of eternal life and forgiveness of our sins. We can't be closed minded about that truth. We can't limit the extent of God's mercy or His grace towards us or anyone around us. It's available to everyone.
I admit that I don't know, when I realize that there is absolutely nothing in me that would qualify me to receive such an amazing gift: a sinless, perfect man suffering and dying for me -- simply so that He could restore the loving, intimate relationship that we were meant to have with His Father -- our Father; the kind of relationship that He has had for all eternity - that He was willing to give up, excrutiatingly, reluctantly - even to the point of sweating beads of blood. I don't understand it. I don't know it. But it is true. It is real.
So, there is the clear connection of her words to receiving the grace-filled gift of salvation. However, I also see what might be the more direct interpretation of her words - succinctly stated in this line:
In this gap of not knowing, in the suspension of any conclusion, a whole other element of life and reality can rush in. This is what I call grace.I don't like not knowing things. I'm pretty nosey, which is not a particularly good trait. I'd love to be the kind of person who doesn't waste time worrying about other people's affairs because her life is so full and rich and busy that she doesn't have time to. I've gotten better in recent years, and especially now with Jonathan in my life. My time spent on people.com is about maybe twice a month when a few years ago it was daily. I no longer need to know all the nitty gritty details of my friend's lives, either. I also don't have to understand everything that's going on as it relates to my team at work and other stuff going on with our project. Yet, that persistent need to sorta know the next step -- to have a sorta 2 year, 5 year, 10 year and so on plan for my life -- consistently plagues me.
Right now, I'm in the midst of not knowing about where Jonathan and I might live when it's time for us to move from the small confines of my parent's home. As a child of God, who orchestrates our lives like a sublime symphony, I should not be concerned. He knows where we'll end up and I just need to remain trusting that He'll work out all the details: location, how I'll pay for it, and so on.
I'm just in a state of unrest and wanting to be in that place just for me and Jonathan. I have dreams of a nice kitchen that I can finally start really doing some cooking in - now that I have someone to regularly cook for. I just can't get comfortable cooking in my mom's kitchen. I want us to have our own garden - our own little outdoor space to live outdoor life in. I just want something that's just our own.
And then there's that not knowing if I'll ever share such a space with Jonathan and his dad, and realizing that that's likely a pipe dream for the foreseeable or ever future. It's a sad thought, so no need to linger there. Plus, we're currently in a time of me figuring out what exactly I do want for us...
Grace -- when a whole nother element of life and reality comes rushing in. That's my life right now: suspended in a reality that is so inconsistent with everything I have thought a life of a nice Christian girl should be. I'm holding on - cause I still don't believe I should walk away - not yet. However, that dream of a life of our own, with me, Jonathan and hopefully a man who will be present in our lives - who will love on Jonathan and be that example of Godliness that I long for him to have -- I don't know if that is the reality for me and his dad.
I just don't know. And in the not knowing, grace crawls in and abides with me - it makes a way.
Oh, Lord, please...make a way.
