Doing away with complaints

Received a message today from life coach, Valerie Burton.  I usually ignore her emails, but I've been desperate of late to be done with all my griping, complaining, moaning and groaning.  It's toxic to me and Jonathan - and worse - he's started to do it, as well.  Whatever is noble, true, worthy of good report, pure -- rarely do I think on these things. However, the word says that we should. There is life in those kinds of thoughts.  Complaints are full of death and dread. No wonder I'm despondent and discouraged most of the time. I don't provide for myself and atmosphere where the peace of God can reign DESPITE my circumstances.

Presently, I'm not working AGAIN and I'm staring at about $39000 in debt. My Fiat is being serviced AGAIN for a fee of close to $3000. I need my Father to open a door of clarity about work and work that lasts and work where I can be a top contributor and a valued employee because of what HE IS DOING through me there - just as I was at IBM those 15+ years.  With each job I've had since leaving IBM, I feel less certain about my capabilities, even in Him.  I'm struggling so bad to remain focused and on task and to really work UNTO Him and not just to my employer or myself.  I long to flow in Him again, but to do so without the angst and fear that dominated my time at IBM. How do I get there?  Father show me.

Possibly working on this spirit of complaint or working it OUT of me is a first step.  Valerie suggested these three things.  I'm gonna give it a go here:

1. Make a list of 10 complaints.
2. Make a list of 10 requests.
3. Follow through with the list of requests to solve the problem.

10 Complaints:

1. Jonathan not following instructions.
2. Jonathan ignoring me when I tell him to stop making noise or being disruptive.
3. Slow drivers when I'm in a rush.
4. Fiat.
5. Lack of direction related to work.
6. Being back in debt with no realistic way out of it.
7. Demands from my father - and just general responsibilities with my parent's care.
8. The amount of time and effort to help Jonathan with his homework.
9. Any dealings with Kay.
10. Knowing in my heart God has not forsaken me, but experiencing His absence in the areas of finance and work and stuff getting broken, stolen and lost.

10 Requests:

1. God, move in Jonathan to have a heart o listen and obey me, responsible trustworthy elders like my parents, and his teachers and administrators at school and church - to be respectful and considerate of their request.
2. God, move in Jonathan to exhibit self control when in class and in public to not disrupt and hinder his fellow students learning or his teachers teaching or peoples activities in public places.
3. Father, enable to get up with energy so I can move quicker and get out the door early rather than always running - give me more time in the morning to get wherever we need to go.
4. Father, I need to you take this Fiat from me and to get it paid off. I need a miracle.  I cannot afford this car or the payments. Even if I could, I no longer want it. I receive your forgiveness for purchasing it by my flesh and not by my spirit - if by my spirit, I would have never bought it.  Father, remember my gift to Anthony and his mom of my beloved Kia and help me in this dilemma. The envoy is the better car for now and it works better for our family at this time. Father help me in this dilemma - indeed by your power - deliver me from it!
5. Father, show me what I should be doing as a career.  Open a door for me to pursue it and enable it to be work where I am well compensated, that is a true career where there is time for vacation and where I am truly contributing to the success of my employers through Your power working in and through me.  Give me work that is a joy to do - where I am serving others with the gifts and talents you have given me.  Father, make it a job where I can utilize my writing ability and make it a job that allows me to do it from my home office - that does not require a commute so that I can carve out time during the day to do things for Jonathan and my parents, when needed or even church or other community activities.  Open the door - Open my eyes - Show me Lord and then Open the door of entree and acceptance. Brother Seymour today said that with all my skills and talents I should have no problem getting a job. My problem is that I CHOOSE to not work - I don't want to work.  Father, it cut to my heart, but to a large degree, it is true. I prefer not working. I prefer just caring for the home, Jonathan and looking after my parents - or would prefer just doing that without being concerned about securing or maintaining a job outside the home.  However, if you do not work, you should not eat. And as a single mom, it is despicable for me to have this lazy spirit.  Father, deliver me from this spirit of desiring to not work, in the name of Jesus.  Father, I loose in Jesus' name a spirit of conscientiousness and a deep desire to work. Father, I know I asked to work at home, but the point is to do what I need to do - to not worry about my flesh but to be pleasing in your sight. Help me, Father!  I'm ashamed about not working and can't even tell April and Lolita or Anita or other's about it.  Father, just open a door to work and then in it do what You will so that it's work that lasts and work that blesses and honors you and blesses my employer and in that, I will be blessed.  The last time I sensed that was my time at Habitat for Humanity.  Father, thank you for working this out.
6. Father, teach me how to better spend the money that I have. To stop wasting it.  To cook more and not waste so much money on fast food.  Move me back to tracking my eating on MyFitnessPal and get me back into a regular exercise routine.  With a new job, erase this $40000 debt in the same way that you did for me in the early 2000's.  
7. Father, give me a heart of compassion for my parents and a better ability to negotiate their needs and demands, especially my Father. Help me to release them to You for you to do for them what only You can do - let me be a conduit of blessing and love toward them - empower me to do so genuinely and without force or for show.  Help me Lord.
8. Father, give Jonathan and I wisdom and understanding as it relates to his classwork. Father, especially bless Jonathan's ability to improve his math skills so that he is working ABOVE his grade level by the time he finishes 2nd grade.  Father, control my tongue and behavior when working with Jonathan. Give me a spirit of compassion and patience. Move me to get up and walk away and count to ten when I get frustrated - above all, keep me from anger and agitation with him.
9. Father give me the ability to erect boundaries with Jonathan and Kay and myself. Father give me a heart to pray for Kay and Carina and their family and deliver me from dread and fear and the spirit of comparison when it comes to them - remove all fear that Jonathan will love them better or will consider Carina a sweet, nicer mom than me.  Father, equip me to be the mom I need to be for Jonathan and I give thanks that he will spend more time with Kay. Enable that relationship to be a deep, rich and satisfying one for them both.
10. Father, I need quiet time with you. True quiet time with you.  I need to soak in your presence and experience you. I don't need scripture right now. I have a lot of scripture. I need you, without my mind going in fifty different directions. Father, open a path for all the stuff that's needed for Jonathan's room to be completed next week. Open time for me to sup with you and build and establish a quiet time with you.  I will not know with a KNOWING that you are not forsaking me despite current circumstances until I get that time with you. Father make anything else pale in comparison to time spent with you.