My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Matthew 27:46 (NKJV)

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”


These final words from Jesus have become particularly significant to me in recent years.  There have been many times when I have felt that God was missing in action, had forgotten me, that maybe - maybe he really didn't like me that much.  The words, "Do you hate me God?!" have escaped from my lips more times than I would like to admit.  My prayers appeared to be hitting a brick wall.  I've felt utterly alone.  Despondent and discouraged, my faith in Him whittling with each unanswered prayer.

Interestingly, though, I was not aware until I started to write down what I wanted to say about these words did I discover that King David had made the exact utterance to God in a Psalm - Psalm 22:1 to be exact:

Psalm 22:1 (NIV)

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
    Why are you so far from saving me,
    so far from my cries of anguish?

In this Psalm, David put into beautiful and powerful language the degree of his  upset about God's seeming absence in his time of great need...in his time of fear and anxiousness...in his time of persecution and danger.  Where was this great God that he revered - this God who enabled him to slay the mighty Goliath.  Where was God when he needed him most.

I identified with David.  His words resonated with me.

However, like David, what has kept me from completely abandoning my God...what enables me to remain hopeful that ultimately, ultimately He will come through for me, is that He continuously brings to remembrance what He has done for me in the past.  In the midst of his crying out to God, David managed to give Him praise for the myriad of ways that He had shown up for David and the nation of Israel.  David's Psalm reminded me that that the words of Jesus are true:  He will never leave us or forsake us.

I can believe this because for one moment in time, our great Lord and Savior, the altogether lovely one, our Wonderful Counselor, and Prince of Peace - for one moment in time, this promise - that God would never leave us or forsake us, was not true for him.  For one moment in time - for David's sake, for my sake, for the sake of the whole world - Jesus was utterly, completely, and absolutely cutoff from the Father.  Our sin upon Him, his Abba Father, His daddy, had to turn his back upon Him.  

And in this, we can realize the extent of Jesus' sacrifice for us.  He was cut off so that we can be assured that even in our darkest hour, God is with us.  We might walk away -- we might forget -- we might doubt.  But this eternal promise remains:

“I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” 
(Heb 13:5 AMP)

JONATHAN IS A MEMBER OF THE 2025 CLASS OF PRINCETON ACADEMY!!!

I'm still stunned. In a state of shock.  Awed by the mercy and power of our Living Father God!  Thankful beyond Thankful for His favor and grace and outpouring of love towards Jonathan in extending him this gift - opening this door.  I feel this is in God's plan for Jonathan's life.  That He steered me to open that magazine last year, focused my eyes on the article about Princeton Academy and quickened my heart to apply, knowing that He had already established a place for Jonathan there.  In the 11th hour, I was asked to give information about Kay and that shook me. I was sure it would disqualify me from any real aid, considering his income. However, I was honest about our relationship and how Jonathan came into the world in the way that he did and that in the wake of his birth, there hasn't been much direct parenting from Kay.  They were so compassionate.  They understood. And they didn't consider my foolish financial decisions over the past few years and my underemployment.  They didn't because it was not God's plan for them to do so.  If ever I have felt that I am truly His child through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, I felt it yesterday.  And I still feel it now.  This was a soul changing blessing.  My heart is so full.  My cup overflows.  

THANK YOU JESUS!! PRAISE YOU LORD GOD IN THE HIGHEST!!!!

March 16, 2018

Dear Kim,

I am delighted to inform you that Jonathan’s application for admission to Princeton Academy of the Sacred Heart has been approved and we enthusiastically invite him to join the Princeton Academy Class of 2025. The Admission Committee is confident that Jonathan will be a successful student and that he will also strive to achieve the high standards expected of Princeton Academy students.

The offer of admission brings with it our commitment to support Jonathan in all aspects of his education and personal development. It also carries important expectations of him in that we ask all members of our school community to do their best to be productive students and honorable and compassionate stewards of our school and the Sacred Heart goals upon which we are founded. We hope you will join us in providing Jonathan a learning experience which challenges his potential and is sensitive to his individual needs. We know the formative educational experience and preparation he will receive at Princeton Academy will serve him well in the years to come.

Sweet, hardworking, and bright, Jonathan is clearly a full participant in his surroundings. We know that our boy-centered program is the place to encourage his curiosity and inspire his intellect and imagination. We also know that our attention to individual student growth combined with our program structure and hands-on engagement will serve Jonathan well as he progresses toward a consistently focused learner. Much is in store for Jonathan and we look forward to seeing his growth in our Grade 2 and beyond. We also look forward to partnering with you to best support Jonathan in his development.

We will also be forwarding Jonathan a letter and certificate to welcome him to Princeton Academy. These should arrive in the mail shortly. A separate email follows this one with instructions regarding the enrollment process and access to the online enrollment portal. Please read the instructions carefully and contact me with any questions that arise. Along with the necessary forms to secure enrollment, the enrollment portal also provides access to the 2018-2019 School Calendar as well as events this spring for newly enrolled families. 

We look forward to having Jonathan as a student in our school and we are eager to also welcome your family to our school community. Should questions remain unanswered as you plan for Jonathan’s educational future, please note that we will be hosting a reception for parents of accepted students on Tuesday, April 3 at 6:30 p.m. at the home of one of our current Princeton families. A formal invitation will be sent to you soon with more details.

Warmest Regards,

Jennifer B. Sheppard
Director of Admission

March 19, 2018

Dear Kim,

Thank you for completing the enrollment process for Jonathan for the 2018-2019 school year. We look forward to having him grow and thrive at Princeton Academy as a member of the 2nd grade next year. This email is to serve as your confirmation of Jonathan's enrollment for the 2018-2019 school year. A copy of your enrollment contract is available in your enrollment portal account for your reference.

At Princeton Academy, we care deeply about each of our young men. We are dedicated to creating a learning environment where our boys can grow with open hearts and open minds. Our mission is to develop young men with active and creative minds, a sense of understanding and compassion for others, and the courage to act on their beliefs. We educate and develop the whole boy in body, mind and spirit through devotion to our Sacred Heart Goals and to our Learning Principles for Boys. We seek to lead a national reinvention of boys education for a new generation of enlightened men. I know that together we will make this vision a reality.

Thank you for entrusting the education of Jonathan to our talented and committed team of faculty and staff at Princeton Academy. In partnership together, we are devoted to bringing out the best in your son.


Inspired,
Alfred (Rik) F. Dugan III
Headmaster

Things are looking up

Spring is almost here with all it's newness of life and promise of better days.

We just suffered a major snowstorm.  Downed trees, people without power for days.  It was a woozy.

Yes, I am ready for spring.

Last week, I think, was the darkest week I've experienced so far - even worst than that last, crazy post from 2/2/18.  I was without any hope. Despondent, irritated, angry, frustrated and just feeling so trapped by life and my present circumstances.

The hopefulness associated with spring was no where to be found.  I just wanted a way of escape.

In the midst of this depression, a Joseph Prince devotion reminded me that it is good to give God the praise in all circumstances, even when it seems He is not working on your behalf.  He is.  It may feel so much like He isn't. But He is.

He will never leave me or forsake me. He understands.  I have to trust Him.

Reading those words of encouragement helped a lot.  My sister in Christ Tena prayed for me, too, after I sent her this rant of a text message about how awful my life is right now.

Sister Sue Evans gifted me with tickets to see Mercy Me yesterday.  And the youth group was also going and seeing it from Infiniti suite seats at Prudential Center.  So, her brother-in-law, who leads the youth ministry and Jonathan's Royal Rangers, Jeff Evans, got us tickets in the same suite.  And oh was it sweet! AND the show was fantastic.

This too helped to move me closer to the light and hopefulness of spring.

I'm feeling like a leaf is turning.  Finally - FINALLY - Ms. Smith provided her recommendation for Jonathan's application to Princeton Academy.  We will hear by Wednesday if he has been accepted.

He is accepted.

Jonathan stood on the kitchen table tonight and called out to God to lift him up and I believe our Father heard that prayer and I agreed with Jonathan, so where two or three agree, He hears and He acts.

Jonathan is a student at Princeton Academy.

Jonathan shall be a graduate of Princeton Academy.

Oh, and I also got a job.  

I started on 2/20.  You wold think that would be reason to lift my mood. But it wasn't.

It's a scheduling assistant position - though I think I'm gonna change it to scheduling coordinator - at a new law firm, Davis & Brusca, LLC.  We are in Lawrence Township and eventually Hamilton and hopefully, permanently in Pennington.

Two primary attorneys, an associate, a paralegal, a legal secretary and myself. They're a cool group of peeps. I enjoy working with them.

I interviewed in Dec for the gig and thought I might get it then. I liked the flexible hours and the girls I interviewed with. But they gave it to another gal who lived closer with more experience.

She didn't last a month. Said she was overwhelmed.

After my first week, I totally understood and was about to quit myself.  However, I felt a quickening by the Holy Spirit to stay.  To see it out for at least 6 months to a year.

I'm now in my 4th week, and it gets better and better with each week. It's a complicated job. I have to email, be on phones (which I don't like), write deposition notices, schedule deps, mediations, client meetings, confirm all this stuff, reschedule most of it. I'm busy the whole time I'm there.

I'm learning a lot and I feel like I'm making a difference. Making it easier for the team.

So, I'm sticking with it and we'll see in a year.  I hope I get a nice bonus at years end:-).

The commute.  Bearable cause I make my own hours.  Probably will be about 27 a week. I can get my runs in before I go.

Once Jonathan is in Princeton Academy, it will be the same, if we can move to Montgomery, like I'm hoping.

And there's the other news.  There are vacancies in the low income apartments that we originally planned to move to in 2016.  I'm gonna apply again.

Walking distance away is a retirement community where my mother can be in assisted living/memory care and my father in long-term care - and they accept Medicare.  And it's beautiful.

Not sure they want Black folks. However, I serve a mighty God. He'll get us over that hump.

So, I'm believing and decreeing that we'll be living in Montgomery before fall 2018.  That my mom will be at Stonebridge. That they'll help us sell the home and the items my parents own they no longer need and that in due time my father will also join my mom at Stonebridge.

Finally, the big big news:  Parker McCarrick plans to take my dad's wheelchair. He'll be using a walker!  Praise God!! This is an answer to prayer.  I knew he would eventually not need that chair - not sure he really needed it after leaving Kessler, but I'm not gonna worry bout that. I just know that God is moving and answering prayers. So yes - YES - Spring is in the air and...

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP!!!