I recently encountered Joan Ball again within the pages of an InTouch Magazine article. She continues to fascinate me. Her alternate, dynamic view of the Christian walk and the way it energizes and directs her every step, enabling her live in the moment with great exepctation of what's to come next...well, it simply inspires me.
This article was more of her same encouragement to live the abiding life with Christ - to take a chance on Him- to follow His lead, even if it doesn't make any sense to anyone else. To do what you really feel in your gut He is telling you to do - or to at least trust the promptings in your spirit to not remain inert and spellbound by fear.
I read that article and it made me recall my initial acquaintance with Joan at the Collyde Summit in 2012, and her words of wisdom about how God generally doesn't give us a work to do that we are prepared to do. He wants us to step out in faith and trust that He'll enable us along the way. Her comments at that time were the fuel I needed to finally decide that I would leave IBM and move forward on achieving my goal to go back to school to obtain my doctorate.
However, that dream got smashed into a million pieces. No sense going into all that again. Three schools. Three rejections. Enough said. Nonetheless, my dream of a PhD came back to the forefront of my mind as I ruminated on Joan and her wise words and the effective way in which she lives out her faith. I then thought to myself - hmm, Joan has a PhD in Business now. Where exactly did she get it? So, I googled her name and St. Johns, where she is now a Professor, and saw that she had obtained said doctorate at a school based in Paris:: The International School of Management.
The wheels in my head and heart started churning. Paris. Paris. The place that I've been dreaming to finally return to and live for a season with Jonathan.
I decided to check out the school's Web site and found myself, over the course of the next few days, going through almost every page - my curiousity growing into a great longing to apply to the PhD program. However, as I considered and reconsidered the financial cost, it appeared that this might - once again - be a dream deferred. The program was simply too expensive.
My heart, however, wasn't gonna give up without a fight. I found myself taking a hard look at the MBA program, and begin to sense that maybe that was more in line with where my life needs to go as I moved forward...that maybe an International Business MBA would allow me to gain the business acumen required to run my own non-profit - to finally make Jakin Sanctuary a reality. And I would be building these skills in an International setting, with fellow students and instructors from a myriad of cultures and backgrounds.
I sent an initial inquiry. I spoke to the lovely Admissions Diretcor. We discussed the PhD as well as the MBA. With a scholarship the PhD program seemed more doable. I hung up excited about moving forward with either the PhD or the MBA - it was just a matter of deciding which one.
And then fear set in.
Okay, maybe not fear. Maybe just that same sort of dreamkilling stuff that has been lurking behind me all of the days sense my dad's fall out of bed on May 14th, 2013.
How could I leave my mother in the house alone? I have to stay here to watch over things - to make sure she's fine. I have to keep up with my father's continued care at the Nursing Home. Should I really take money out of my 401K to do this? Will Kay let me take Jonathan to Paris? Can I do this with a three year old on foregin soil?
What am I thinking??!
And that brings me to right now - almost a week after my conversation with the Admissions Counselor - and a few hours after my therapy session, where I vetted this all out with Vonita. And through talking with Vonita, I realize that I have to apply. I have to move forward and see what happens.
I also realized that nothing is a coinsidence. My reading that InTouch article...Joan Ball entering my mind again as a result...her comments that made me re-think my dream about returning to graduate school...discovering that Joan had attended ISM...ISM being in Paris - perfectly aligning with my dream to live in that amazing city for a season BEFORE Jonathan started primary school...
Nothing is a coinsidence.
So I'm applying. I've decided to apply to the MBA program. And I'm gonna get accepted. I'm gonna figure out how to manage paying for the program, doing well in it with a toddler in tow, and doing it while living in a place that has enchanted me like no other in all the 46 years that I've lived.
I'm gonna do this.
God will take care of the rest.
