Today at sundown begins the annual celebration of Rosh Hashanah, the start of the Jewish year. This inaugurates a ten-day period that ends on the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur. This is not a man-made “holiday,” but one of God’s “holy days.” He designed it, instituted it, and commanded it.
This day was to be different. God directed that His people were to cease their normal activities. Instead, they were to think about their lives. This was so important that no one was to work. No one was exempt. And each person was to make a special offering. (Inspiration Ministries Devotional 9.28.11)
The devotion had some great questions to ponder. I thought I'd walk through them here.
- What are my priorities? Jonathan, a closer walk with Christ - more surrendered & hearing Him more - more willing to obey and have Him lead and direct my life - a more satisfying work life
- What habits have I allowed to form? Sleeping in too late in the mornings - procastinating on work tasks - no focus when I try to do a task.
- Have I become polluted by compromise? Yes -- for about 5 months significantly through sexual relations with Kay -- still to a degree with my continued communications with him.
- How committed am I to serving God? Not enough - it's growing, but I need more, I crave more - I just am not doing enough work to make it happen.
- Am I eager to have a deeper walk with Him? Yes
- What do I want to change from last year? Less fear and angst and anxiety about everything - baby, relationships, work, my walk with Christ
- What do I want to make better? My work life - my vocation - my mothering of Jonathan - my empathy and care towards others - anticipating needs and meeting them
- What blessings do I want to draw for myself and my family in the next year? Financial blessings of God's provision if I leave IBM or if I stay - that Jonathan be emotionally and mentally prepared for daycare/ school in September.
Well, I suppose that helped a bit. Not much, though.
My friend Lolita came for a visit today. She suggested that I take a day for myself, maybe a future Saturday, from after getting Jonathan up and ready for the day till about right before his nighttime ritual - about 10 or so hours...take a long drive, maybe go to a spot where I can really hear from the Lord -- I need that so bad. The last time I had it with any significance was my drive across the southwest, December 2008. So many changes came out of that drive: leaving the church I attended and spending 2 months with just the Lord on Sundays - true Sabbath rests. Deciding to move back to NJ and then deciding to move back into my parent's home and doing the renovations. Putting my beloved home on the market for sale. Ending up at Grace Church.
Right now what I want to hear the most is about what the heck I should be doing with my life. Continuing to spin my wheels at IBM? Teaching? Something else.
I enjoy giving people things of a monetary nature. That is my spiritual gift. However, I'm able to do that cause I'm currently in a well-paying job. I have a friend who freely gives of herself and her time. Right now, because she is unemployeed, she can't really give much monetarily. I don't do that as readily - giving away myself and my time (neither of which is really mine). Who's more of the Godly giver? I would say my friend. I don't know.
I know the comparison thing is so not healthy, so I need to stop it.
Lord - I just need to know what truly excites me. That thing or something related to that thing is what I should be doing - what you've created me to do. What is it?
My new beginning starts once I know what that thing is...
